why didn't you poke me back
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
