It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
