Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
