Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
