I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
