Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
