I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
