This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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