He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
