I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
