living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
