Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
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gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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