I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
