I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
