woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
