but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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