You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
