last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
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she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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