I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize