i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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