Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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