and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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