I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize