When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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