So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
