It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I don't deserve a penis
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
