The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
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I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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