I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
