im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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