I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
