I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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