It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
