Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
