i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
