What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
