I think I won the penis lottery.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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