I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
