Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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