In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
