im drinking this country out of the recession.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
