I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
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i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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