Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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