Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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