hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
