i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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