I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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