Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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