They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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