There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
