'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
