I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Semen is not good for contacts.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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