how can u be prego again
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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