Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The adults are the big ones right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
