Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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