I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
