i was rollin on her like bob the builder
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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