my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
