Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
