I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
