Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
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She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize