i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
this hospital has no fireball
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
