i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
