He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
