i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
